How to Deal with False Claims of Domestic Violence

domestic

If your relationship begins to turn bitter and your significant other starts to act in a way that leads you to believe that they will file false domestic abuse charges against you, it is time to take notice. Domestic violence is a serious crime that can do severe damage to your reputation. Like any false claim against you, just because YOU know you are innocent doesn’t mean you will be guaranteed your freedom. The experts at Canterbury Law Group offer steps you can take to help limit any dangerous actions your accuser can take to sabotage you:

  1. Consult with a defense attorney that specializes in orders of protection help in Scottsdale. The right attorney can give you priceless information to help you better understand what your options are.
  2. Have a witness in the room when meeting with an ex. You may be forced to come into contact with them to pick up children or personal belongings. Make sure you have a witness present with you during all these activities, and if possible, do so in a public place. The last thing you need is a false allegation to arise after you met with your ex, and having a witness present is a great way to avoid this situation.
  3. Protect your valuables. If your accuser steals your driver’s license, birth certificate, car titles or money from you and then files charges against you, you may spend all of your time trying to get your stuff back rather than taking care of what needs to be done to ensure your freedom. A grave mistake that could cost you more than you thought possible.
  4. Warn family members about your concerns. If your accuser claims that you hurt them and/or your children, your closest family members may mistakenly ban you from their lives. If you keep them informed of your accuser’s erratic and troublesome behaviors, as well as your fears of what they may do, you may be able to prepare your family for the allegations and have them be more inclined to believe your side of the story.
  5. Change all of your login information. Bank accounts, computers, laptops, vehicle entrance, hard drives, cell phones and anything else you can think of that requires your password should be changed as soon as possible. There have been instances in which an accuser send messages from the defendant’s cell phone and then later accuses them of sending threatening messages. Don’t let this or anything similar happen to you by securing anything and everything that you can.
  6. If you are the abused, gather evidence. There are instances where the person who is accused of committing domestic abuse is actually the victim of physical and emotional abuse. If this is the case, gather as much evidence as you can without putting yourself in danger. If you feel that you are in any danger or are a victim of abuse now, contact your local abuse services to get immediate help.

Hopefully you’ll never have to experience false claims of domestic violence. However, if your dating situation turns crazy and you find yourself in this situation, we hope this helps!

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The “Hey” text

bread-crumbs

You just broke up 3 days ago. You are getting all kinds of mixed signals. You want your ex back but their actions don’t seem to be matching their words.

Then.

They hit you with the “Hey” text out of nowhere.

WTF? What does that even mean???

Here’s what I would do.

IGNORE.

This is what we call: breadcrumbs

Your ex is just fishing to see if they still got you. They are checking to see if you still reply with enthusiasm and urgency? In other words, they want to know if you still like them while they make up their mind about IF THEY WANT YOU.

Don’t play into this. She just told you she doesn’t want you. What does that text mean? She’s likely bored at home sipping her caramel-vanilla-pumpkin soy latte bullsh*t looking for attention.

Don’t give that attention to her as tempting as it is to talk to them.

Let her know you value yourself by just not replying.

Be mentally prepared that this could happen and don’t take ANY text as a sign that they want you. I know you feel like you can’t live without them right now, but it’s in your best interest to be aware of this.

This will be challenging and in no doubt test your willpower and patience, but this is what you should do:

1) Ask yourself why they are texting you?

2) What do they want?

3) Does it make sense considering how you guys ended?

If the answer to #3 is no, then those are breadcrumbs. Pointless texts to see where they stand with you.

Being prepared ahead of time will prevent you from making a mistake at this crucial stage.

 

Payam Pakmanesh, is the author of getyourexback.co. He’s fanatical about self-improvement and growing as a person. Sign up for his newsletter and receive a free copy of his e-book “Get Your Ex Back: 5 Texts You Should Never, Ever Send,” about how to respark that attraction and what you shouldn’t do before you lose your ex forever.

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Why you shouldn’t date after a breakup?

noIt’s Friday night. The sun’s been down for hours. You don’t want to go out because you don’t have much energy and lost the desire of doing anything really. So you download a couple dating apps, get a cold beer from the fridge and figure this might be a good way to get distracted.

You match with a few people and begin to feel good. Maybe you will meet someone that can distract you from your ex. Eventually you decide to go out on a date. While hanging out, you notice something right away. You start to see every flaw this person has, that your ex doesn’t. Everything you loved about your ex is now heightened. Now your ex has become even stronger in your mind than ever before.

You have just taken 3 steps backward.

It’s tempting to go down the dating-after-a-breakup road. There’s so many dating apps out there right now, that it’s very, very easy to get distracted, but what you don’t know is that the good-feeling you get is temporary and in the long run you are making it harder to stick to the system.

When you start to date right away, as soon as something goes unplanned or the person you are dating does something unattractive you just enhanced your ex all over again. You will begin to think if you will ever meet someone like them again. You will wonder. And you will start to think if you should text them. Did you mess up? Were they right all along? Sh*t.

You see how it starts a domino effect of thinking? This isn’t good and it just makes your ex seem more valuable than they really are.

Dating after a breakup is like gambling. You are risking your emotions. How you feel correlates to your happiness.

To get to the next level and make sure you don’t make this mistake, make sure you pass up on all dates. Wait it out. Don’t do any of these.

Even if you meet a girl that’s superior in some ways, you still might feel that your ex is more valuable. The reality is that you are blind right now to your ex’s flaws. You see, you were very familiar with everything about your ex and now meeting a new person will not be as comfortable because you don’t know them on the same level.

For now, focus on making yourself happy and do your best not to think about your ex. So, how do you know when you should date again?

There’s 2 indications. Make sure you are good on both and then you will be ready.

Dating benchmark #1: When you are 80% happy on your own and don’t feel like that happiness depends on anyone.

Dating benchmark #2: When you stop hoping for your ex to text you.

Cool? Cool.

If you have a different perspective or think this makes sense, I would love to hear your story.

 

Payam Pakmanesh, is the author of getyourexback.co and the #1 get-your-ex-back in the app store ‘Get Your Ex Back – An Easy Step-By-Step Guide’. He’s fanatical about self-improvement and growing as a person. Sign up for his newsletter and receive a free copy of his e-book “Get Your Ex Back: 5 Texts You Should Never, Ever Send,” about how to respark that attraction and what you shouldn’t do before you lose your ex forever.

 

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Should I delete my ex from social media? (with scripts)

social mediaIt’s the weekend. The weather is literally perfect and the sun is rising. You have your warm coffee next to you. You’re checking your emails, feeling refreshed and ready to start your day, but you decide to check Facebook one last time before you close your computer and then you see it…

Your ex just posted a picture from last night with her friends and some guy in the background that you don’t know. You start to wonder who he is, if maybe that’s why you aren’t together. You begin to question whether you were good enough in the relationship.

This way of thinking is painful, I’ve been there. But it can change. That’s why I’ve written this in depth article to guide you.

Let’s jump right into the meat.

SHORT ANSWER: No, you don’t delete.

LONG ANSWER: Read below for a personal case study and my tested word-for-word scripts on how to handle this situation and what you should do.

I love and hate social media during a breakup. Social media is fantastic about promoting the life you currently live, but it means that this power (intentionally or not) can also be used against you.

Case study: How deleting them can backfire

When I went through my breakup, I made the mistake of deleting my ex out of haste. That was an emotional decision, one that I looked back on soon after and questioned. You don’t want to put yourself in this position, because re-adding them just looks retarded. It does.

Deleting them = you don’t have control over your emotions

You would be showing that they had A HUGE IMPACT on your life and you can’t live without them.

This isn’t attractive. She wants to know that you can live without her. I didn’t show that by reacting emotionally.

She wants a man. Men are supposed to have a grasp of their emotions. You are signaling that you don’t and she will replace you as the male in this interaction.

I made this mistake and you shouldn’t.

Recall that you are focusing on you now, not her. Seeing her selfies and what she’s doing with her friends is pointless. You need space to recover, before you reach out to her again.

THIS IS WHAT YOU DO: Don’t look at their profile. It’s that simple (I’ll explain why in a bit).

Now, what’s going to happen is that she will probably come to the conclusion that you stopped looking/liking her posts, stories, pictures, whatever. Since you guys were close at one point, she probably has no problems asking why you are being weird.

The “secret” is how you answer — the right way.

See, most people stumble on this part. They panic or say something that’s inconsistent with their actions.

“Uhh oh yea…I’ve been busy and didn’t know you posted something, but like…yea why did you post something cool or something?”

You sound like an idiot. She doesn’t want to be with you, of course she KNOWS you look at her stuff. Don’t do this.

Note about consistency: A person whose words don’t match may be seen as indecisive or confused. However, a high degree of consistency is associated with personal and intellectual strength.

It is honesty, rationality and stability all combined into one.

Introducing, the I Respect Your Wish script

The I Respect Your Wish script is about letting them know that you are doing this for you (by respecting their wish and making them remember the weight of their decision). Remember, they said they don’t want to be with you. They aren’t convinced. They aren’t sure. So you owe her…nothing.

So, how do you let her know you are fine with her decision without showing you are hurt or acting emotional?

Here’s how.

Entering the I Respect Your Wish technique:

Ex: Did you really just stop looking/liking my pictures/posts on XYZ?

You: Listen, I respect your wish of not being together, but I want to move on. It’s nothing personal, but seeing your pictures will slow down this process. Thanks for understanding.

[PAYAM’S ANALYSIS: “Thanks for understanding.” Notice how we answered the question, but we don’t care to dive deeper into it. You are being polite, but standoffish. This is an insanely powerful combination.]

Ex: Ok? But it’s just social media.

You: I understand, but I want to focus on myself now and not be distracted.

[PAYAM’S ANALYSIS: See how we are basically just saying the same thing but rewording it. As long as you stay consistent with your message, you can keep repeating the same thing just by changing a few words.]

Ex: That doesn’t make sense, but whatever.

You: I know, but this is what I want for myself.

[PAYAM’S ANALYSIS: Again, rewording our first point. This time, shifting the focus on yourself. If I broke up with my gf and she said this to me, my respect for her would rise exponentially. She’s putting herself above me? WOW. That’s admirable and now I’m wondering if I did the right thing.]

Ex: I don’t understand why you are being weird, we can be friends. You aren’t the same as before.

You: The same as what? Well, that’s not us anymore.

[PAYAM’S ANALYSIS: We are reminding them that there is a big difference between being together and not being together. They will feel that. They wanted to have their cake and eat it too, but you are showing them they can’t.]

Tailor it to your situation: This is just an example. You can use whatever reason you have and spin your own lingo on it. Just stay consistent and reword what you are saying.

Analyzing the effect of the I Respect Your Wish technique

She’s not going to have any reason to be mad. Why? Because:

  • You are putting your feelings and yourself first. If she’s mad at that, then do you want to date her anyways?
  • You just said you respected her wish, which is a very strong sign of maturity. You want to move on. Letting her know that this is FOR REAL.
  • If she was unsure about whether she made the right decision or thought she could get you back at an instant, you just told her what’s up.

Perhaps what I love most about this entire sequence of exchanged messages is the bigger picture. You have switched some power back to your direction and upped your value.

Clearly she see’s that you are being different, thinks you overreacted and may not want to lose you on social media.

But, you don’t care.

You are doing what’s right for you this time. You are MAKING THE DECISION. You are being proactive, not reactive. Something she may not be used to dealing with.

After executing the I Respect Your Wish technique

“But Payam, did I do the right thing…”

Right now many of us are thinking. “But Payam, you schmuck, you don’t understand…my ex is different. What we had was real and she’s not the type to play games.”

These reactions are expected and normal. Every micro decision you make during this time period is going to be scrutinized, just make sure you don’t do any of these things.

I want to be ultra clear about something here

Do NOT under any circumstances look at your ex’s profile. She can easily test your backbone by throwing up happy pictures or pictures with another guy, whatever.

This can backfire easily, because you have no idea of what the real intention is. Spending that mental and physical energy on guessing, is just dumb. Don’t look.

Trust the system, stay consistent and focus on self improvement.

To do today

Since each platform is different, I’ve outlined the easiest way to handle each of the popular platforms.

Facebook:  Hide your ex now. Do it. Here are step-by-step instructions if you don’t know how.

Instagram: If you are addicted to Instagram (like I am), just delete the app or don’t go on it as often. Since you don’t want to delete your ex, you can’t control when her next post appears. If you don’t have the willpower to not look at your instagram as much, just delete the app.

When you are ready to upload a new pic, download the app, upload and repeat. Silly? Yes, it is. So, is not being able to go on an app as often.

Snapchat: Same as instagram. Reduce frequency. If you used to always look at her stories, stop.

Twitter: Don’t unfollow.

Payam Pakmanesh, founder and writer of getyourexback.co is fanatical about self-improvement and growing as a person. Sign up for his newsletter and receive a free copy of his e-book “Get Your Ex Back: 5 Texts You Should Never, Ever Send.” Learn how he went from feeling lost & thinking about his ex constantly, to making it her idea to be together again.

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Get your ex back app

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Back in early 2013 I had just successfully gotten back together with my ex and gained some notoriety amongst my friends as someone that has rekindled his love. Something many of them hadn’t done before.

At one point, two of my other friends came to me for advice with their breakup. Being a good friend (duh), I offered to help, but I soon noticed a pattern. They were both asking me pretty much identical questions.

“What if she doesn’t text me back?”

“How long do I wait to talk to them?”

“What if she’s seeing someone else?”

“What if she’s not?”

“What if she moves on?”

Being a systematic person, I thought what would be the most efficient use of my time in giving them advice. Having to repeat the same advice to different people just seemed dumb.

*The idea was born*

An app that was tailored to the user based on their answer to several common questions. I did a quick google search and didn’t see anything like this existed.

Like Jack Dorsey (founder of Twitter) says, “Commit your ideas to paper before you worry about committing them to code. Get your idea out of your head so you can see it from a different perspective. And just as importantly, share it with others.”

I quickly drew out some sketches….

But…I did have one problem. I had no idea how to code. How to build an app.

So, I had a team in India code the entire project and follow my vision. Everything I learned through my experience & research was now going to be made available to anyone on earth, right at their fingertips. There’s something special about that.

Since then there have been a few variations, but the core of the app is still the same. Tailor the advice to the user and their experience. Every breakup is different, but when trying to get your ex back, there isn’t as many variations as you may think.

Today, if you Google: “Get your ex back app”, you will see my app as the number one item on the first page.

The only reason this is possible is because I’ve been on both sides of the table. I’ve gotten my heart broken and I’ve reunited with the person I was in love with. In other words, I’ve been in your shoes and I know what you are feeling this very instant.
I can show you how I got my ex back today.


Download the app for free today, sign up on the homepage of my blog for free advice or subscribe to YouTube channel!

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Tips For Men About Dating

6Dating has always been and will continue to be a complicated process. Where should you go for your date? What should you wear? Who should pay for the date? These are all good questions but can be very confusing. Here are some great tips for men by Natasha Dating Site that women have brought forward.

 

First Impressions Are Extremely Important:

Women expect you to look your best when taking her out on the town. Being well groomed, clean and donning clean clothes will give a great first impression from the start. You might consider your worn-out old jeans lucky, but your date might feel the same way.

You Should Choose The Location:

You need to pick a place where you will both be comfortable. Letting her make the decision could backfire. Women like to think their date is able to take charge and they enjoy being surprised. Picking a place that is familiar and comfortable for both of you will make the date much more pleasant. Preferably choose a place that is relatively low-keyed, don’t pick a popular, loud nightclub. The idea is to get to know each other.

Show Self Confidence:

Confidence is a very appealing aspect to women but steer clear of being cocky! Strutting your stuff is not a sign of confidence it’s actually a sign of insecurity! Pick a subject that interests you and your are enthusiastic about. If you talk about something that you are passionate about, it will show and she’ll respect that. Just because you are not an Adonis, doesn’t mean you are not comfortable in your own skin. Women are attracted to men who feel good about themselves and show it.

Don’t Hog Up The Entire Conversation:

Sometimes it just happens that you keep right on talking because you are nervous. If this starts to happen, check it and take a deep breath. You don’t have to cover your entire life in a first date, let her get a word in edge-wise. If you just hog up the entire conversation you are going to bore her to tears. Ask her some questions to bring her into the conversation and then listen to what she has to say.

Keep The Conversation Light:

The last thing you want to do is get into a heavy conversation. Stay away from negative areas such as someone you dislike or an issue you are dragging around. Women love to laugh, so keep keep it light. You can always have heavier conversations later on.

Do Not Bring Up Your Ex:

The subject of an “Ex” should never be brought up on a first date. You will place your date in a very uncomfortable situation and your evening will probably not go over very well. Should your date bring up the subject, offer a short answer and let her know that your past is exactly that – the past. Swing the conversation back to getting to know her.

Turn Your Phone Off!

There is nothing more irritating then listening to someone’s phone going off every 5 minutes. Phones are very distracting and could easily leave your date believing your calls are more important than this date. Turning your phone off will show her you want to focus entirely on her and that will be a very positive sign.

Pay The Bill:

Let your date know that you want to treat her, it’ll make you look like a true gentleman. If she insists on paying, offer to let her pay on the next date but this one is on you!

Follow-up After The Date:

You should contact her within a few days after the initial date. If you don’t, she’s probably going to believe you are not interested. Let her know in a short period of time that you had a great time. If the date did not go well, don’t tell her you will call her! Simply let her know you had a nice evening and leave it at that.

Get Advise From Female Friends:

If you are uncomfortable about a first date, talk to a female friend to get some pointers. You cannot learn dating from a text book but a good friend might be able to help you out. Tell her about your last date, where you went, what you did and what you talked about. Hopefully, she will be able to give you some helpful tips to improve your next dating experience.

 

 

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The secret to making a long distance relationship work

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Ok, let me be brutally honest here.

Without compromise your attempt at a long distance relationship (LDR) will fail. The real secret to making a LDR work is by learning to lose some battles and being OK with that.

After having done a long distance relationship for a number of years in the past, I’ve come to the conclusion that although it is possible, there are a few adjustments and realizations you need to make in order for it to work.

Start by forgetting everything you have read so far on a LDR not being not possible. I’m living proof that it is, so if you are looking for inspiration you have come to the right place.

After you have hit reset mentally on whether this is possible, do yourself another favor and make sure that you are your partner are cool. Cool meaning, you guys don’t have any current problems that haven’t been sorted out or resolved. You can’t go into a LDR starting out in the negative, so make sure there are no current outstanding issues.

Do that now.

If you are trying to get her back and are dealing with a LDR that is blocking your path, then read this first.

Another caveat about doing a LDR is that the personalities between you and her need to be similar. In other words, if one of you is really shy and the other is an extrovert, that will likely fail because your lifestyles are different and that will become apparent since every detail is magnified in a LDR. However, if you are both on the same wavelength, then your chances increase dramatically because there’s a mutual understanding without having to say anything.

Another key component and probably the biggest of all is you have to have trust (obviously). No need to explain this further.

Every relationship has a certain communication frequency, but when you are dealing with distance all expectations need to be brought down. This isn’t easy, especially if you have established a level of frequency. You have to not bicker on the small things.

A quick test that I used was just asking myself if the issue didn’t matter tomorrow why bring it up at all? In most cases, I just let them go.

Don’t sweat the small stuff.

She didn’t text you back right away, that’s ok. You trust her, right? So who cares. Now if it’s a consistent issue, that’s different.

Never ever ever have serious conversations over text or email.

If you find the conversation slipping out of control, just tell her, “Look, I believe there’s been a misunderstanding, I would like to resolve this on the phone or face to face (virtual or reality). What’s your schedule like today/this week?”

This shows you are mature, thoughtful and are willing to have a conversation. Most guys are blocked by their own pride & ego and automatically you show her without telling her that you are better than that.

I’ve found that the right technology, mentality and routines help make the process easier. I’ve outlined some of these below that’s worked for me.

Tools to use for a LDR:

  • For face to face conversations: Skype/Zoom/FaceTime
  • For staying in touch: Any messenger app, whatsapp, skype, or even facebook
  • Your old dinner dates now become emails. Start learning to write thoughtful emails: A handwritten card weights 10x more than any jewelry piece you could ever get her in a long distance relationship and sometimes any relationship for that matter.

Adjusting your mentality:

  • Set your expectations lower
  • Don’t be glued to your phone, put it away once in awhile so you don’t force a habit of waiting to hear back from her
  • Learn to lose arguments, sometimes the battle just isn’t worth it
  • Don’t keep score or be even-steven with everything. You may text her more, but maybe her schedule isn’t the same as yours. Let. It. Go.
  • Work on being patient
  • Even if you are right, don’t beat a dead horse. Forgive her and move on. She will resent you after if you push her buttons.

Routines

  • Have a routine of when you will Skype. Once a week? Once a day?
  • If you can visit and it’s economically feasible, you should.
  • Talk/text every morning and every night at least

When I did a LDR I didn’t even have a blackberry and Skype was just getting big. She lived on a island and the Internet was mediocre at best. Everything was dependent on consistency, emails and patience.

If we could get through that without having access to the technologies current today, then so can you.

Now what?

Stay current with other topics I write about: Sign up for free at getyourexback.co/

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Her Checklist for the First Date

checklist

First dates come with both anxiety and excitement. You’re excited to meet a new person. Even if you aren’t sure if the connection will lead to a long-term relationship, you value opportunities to expand your social circle. However, before you leave the house, make sure you are prepared with the following to ensure a successful evening.

Your Personality

On first dates, people often try to act in ways that they normally don’t, which just creates a false impression of their persona. Don’t try to be someone else on the date. Express your true personality because that is the one the person has to accept if he or she wants to pursue a further connection with you. While you don’t need to tell your entire life story, you should also avoid the minimalist approach.

Confidence
Going on the first date without confidence can lead to failure. A level of nervousness is normal, but that feeling shouldn’t overwhelm the outing. Something led to the date in the first place, so you know the person has interest in you. Keep in mind that if the first date doesn’t work out, it isn’t a negative reflection on you; some people just don’t jive in a romantic manner.

Outfit and Styling
Physical attraction is not the only element of a romantic relationship, but saying that it has no role at all is also untrue. You want to wear an outfit that makes you feel good about yourself. When you are pleased with your looks, you are likely to express a greater willingness to show your true personality. Also, a nice outfit shows that you put in the effort to look good for the date and that you care about it.

A Clock
No matter how good you want to look, you don’t want to waste so much time getting ready that you make your date wait. Find out what time your date is picking you up or what time you have to be at the restaurant, and plan to be at least 15 to 20 minutes early. Then, even if you are running a bit late with your original time, you aren’t late for the date.

Safety System
Meeting someone on an an elite dating site is a great way to form a connection, but you also have to remember that you are meeting someone from the internet whom you don’t know. Meet in a public place, and make sure that a few people know where you are going. Ask them to check in with you if they haven’t heard from you after a certain time.

Plans
In the event that the date isn’t going well or the person is making you feel uncomfortable, you want to have a way to excuse yourself from the situation. You could ask a friend to call you to ask for help, or if you feel that your physical safety is threatened, you should ask someone to come help you.

Money
If you’re a modern woman, then you may feel that you should at least offer to pay for the date or part of it. Not only should you have cash for that reason, but you may need to take a cab home at the end of the night, or you might want to offer to pay for coffee or a movie if your date took on the bill for dinner.

You may need to add other items to this list depending upon the location of the date and the planned activities. However, these basic checklist items can help you get prepared for a variety of different dates. For more tips and assistance, you can always get on with Mirabela Executive Dating.

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Science of Us: 'The 5 Love Languages' Is A Perennial Best Seller Because It Helps You Read Your Partner's Weird Mind

Social and emotional skills vary from person to person, of course, but generally speaking, people are decent at reading each other — better than chance, anyway, which is in itself rather remarkable.

Read more: Relationships, Love, Love and Relationships, Love Languages, Science of US, Bestsellers, 5 Love Languages, Nymag, NYMag.Com, Healthy Living News

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